Persuasion Tip #6: All you need to Know

I just recently finished reading Dale Carnegie's book "How to win friends and influence people". I know, the titel is terrible. I almost felt ashamed and embarassed reading it, and the title alone may be one of the reasons I have never read this book (and my pride). However, it is a terrific book!

I read the updated version, because the poriginal was written way back in about 1920. Apparently the new version has been updated with more current examples but not current or wordly enough in my mind (There are an awful lot of Rockefeller, Lincoln, and other american presidents examples).

However, I nearly read the book cover to cover! It is full of interesting little stories that demonstrate each of the principles in a simple, commonsense way. Some of these principles go against some of my basic beliefs, but I can see why and how they may have affected my relations in the past and I reckon Carnegie is very right in what he has said and myself very wrong (refer principle 3 in how to win people to your way of thinking).

The principles are as follows - I hope with some deep inflection they help you be a better person.


How to handle people


1. Don’t criticise, condemn or complain

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

3. Arouse in the other person an eager want



How to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

2. Smile

3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5. Talk in terms of the other persons interests.

6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely



How to win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “You’re wrong.”

3. If your wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4. Begin in a friendly way

5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

10. Appeal to the nobler motives.

11. Dramatize your ideas.

12. Throw down a challenge.



How to be a leader

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5. Let the other person save face

6. Praise the slightest improvement and every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

7. Give the person a fine reputation to live up to.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

An update

Hi all, for those that made it here from my recent 'reach out' email - welcome! Here's a quick re-cap on your long lost friend / relative:

Be warned - I'm going back nearly 10 years here!

• I'm renovating a small apartment I bought 2 years ago in Arncliffe (South Sydney, about 10km from the CBD and near Brighton Le Sands). Renovations consist of sanding and varnishing the parquetry timber floors and building a new kitchen. Progress is slow. I'm pretty disorganised and tend to go down the beach on nice days.
• I'm currently working for the PricewaterhouseCoopers (an accounting form) Sustainability & Climate Change team. Its an awesome job, mostly because it is with a kick-arse team but also because it is one of those rare jobs that provides you with a sense, however fleeting, that you are doing something worthwhile. Basically, we help business measure, mitigate and pursue risks or opportunities as a result of sustainability and climate change. Most of my focus is on the financial services industry and helping them incorporate these risks into investment valuation and also in providing assurance services over greenhouse gas emissions.
• This weekend I'm aprticipating in the 'Human Race' which is a fund-raiser for a charity called Palmer projects. They are providing much needed assistance to impoverished people in Australia, Sri Lanka, cambodia and Laos. Read about the causes and the race here and you can donate here.
• Still playing cricket but more socially these days with Northbridge Cricekt Club. Last year I captained a losing side in the A Grade grand final in our first season back in A Grade after nearly a decade in lower grades. Great Club and a good way to get to know people in a new city.
• I finished uni (B.Bus with Hon) back in 2006. Honours and 6 months on exchange in Canada were the high-lights. This blog was started on that exchange so you can read all about it here.Also played cricekt with Dad over in the UK in the norther hemisphere summer of 2005, pictures also on this blog.
• After uni I spent nearly 3 years earning my CA. Quite possibly a waste of time.
• Best holidays since starting work have been Fraser Island, New Zealand, and Vietnam. 
• Best holidays while at uni was the trip up the east coast of Australia to Cairns and the PNG and the kokoda Track and also the cricket in the UK followed by exchange in Canada (central & west coast only) and a short stay in Fiji.
• I bought a motorbike last year and am now planning on taking it over-seas for a year. Not sure exactly where I'm going but ideally I'd like to make it to Europe. I'll be starting my years holiday in roughly March 2011 with a 3 month stint volunteering in Micro-Finance in Timor Leste, then - who knows!

Ok, thanks for re-connecting. Now you are caught up on all the past stuff, wouldn't it be easier if we stayed in touch on a regular basis?

Its a verb!

Thanks to Stephen Covey whose following words kick started my thoughts

"Love is a verb. Love the feeling is a fruit of love the verb."
To love is to serve, sacrafice, listen, understand, empathize, appreciate, affirm and recognise.
To feel loved is to have loved and to act with the feeling of love.

I acted to serve, blindly and without regard for the problems that I cause
Now, I have listened and understand your fear, anguish, conflict and concern
Ask me but once and I will sacrafice this feeling that I cherish most.
I will appreciate only from afar that attitude of yours, that is a beacon in the dark.
I will remove myself from your path and recognise your progress from the shadows,
I will not be there to affirm the love you give, for I will know then, it is not your love I feel within.

Ask me but once and I will gladly sacrafice this feeling that I cherish most.
For it will be my feeling and needs only what you ask, to be free
But I genuinely thank thee, for helping find it, within me.

Version control

Strong and bold, chest full of air, coat covered in dust with six shooters on his hips
Scant words on his lips, a larrikins sparkle in the eyes and concern on the brow
The hero, always ready to show them how.

Strong and bold, chest full of air, coat covered in dust with six shooters on his hips
Words fit to spit, eyes of the storm and anger in the arch
The hungry hero, in desperate need of starch

Strong and bold, chest full of lead, coat covered in dread with six shooters in his hands
Throat constricted, eyes pale and wet, face flat - expresionless
The desperate hero, not willing to confess.

Strong and bold, chest full of bluff, coat covered in fluff with six shooters of pearl
Spilling words as in a spell, eyes of warmth and teeth brilliant as the sun
The marketing hero, willing to put a price on fun

TBC

Strange feeling

Got a little shock just now, someone was gonna throw a bottle, he was gonna chuck a can.
Realised some of my best friends were racist and I probably was too
What can you do, when your parents would rather shoot you then eat tofu?

Got a little shock just now, someone was gonna go to far, he was gonna cut a man.
Realised a little to late it wasn't the best place for a date
What will she think, when I don't wear a tie or cuff-link

Got a little shock just now, I said something nice, she flashed her pearly whites
Realised all the books were right, happiness is but a fight between your body & brain
What will you say, when at the end of the que they ask "How are you"?

Got a little shock just now, I caught the hidden look, got the subtle sign.
Realised I was blind, naive and probably just plain high
What will we believe in the end, when the end is nigh, fear is rife and there appears to be nothing after life.